loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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