True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
