My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
