Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
