My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
