Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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