take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
