I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
