That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
