I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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