the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
