he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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