hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
