omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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