Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
