There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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