i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If that was your dad, he is hot
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
