your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
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she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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