with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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