he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
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