You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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