you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
