Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.