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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?

  (941): View more from Florida

  better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn

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• (805): View more from California

  woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.

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  27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables

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• (360): View more from Washington

  tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.

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  These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it

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• (845): View more from New York

  I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..

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• (425): View more from Washington

  My whole life is a joke

  (360): View more from Washington

  Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.

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