sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important