I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.