No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
