note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
