Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
