I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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