I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize