just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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