I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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