Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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