Kiss
Puke
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
