every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
