you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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