this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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