the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
