I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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