No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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