i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
