my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
