Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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