I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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