This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
