Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
