we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
