So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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