i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
