sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
