He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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