I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
