I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
