My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
