we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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