Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
