If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
