she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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