you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
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What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
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They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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