her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
