just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All the doctor said was why
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
