you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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