PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
