im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
