fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
