I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
